Sunday, November 14, 2010

Unpacking My Suitcase and My Disappointment

I would have been arriving in Haiti right now. But the night before I was prepared to leave, Beyond Borders, the organization who was hosting me and four others, made the judgment call to cancel the trip because the cholera outbreak in Haiti had worsened and they didn’t think they could adequately protect us from cholera.

Cholera has infected 12,000 and killed 800 in Haiti so far. Worse yet, it recently made its way into the capital—Port au Prince—where millions of people live in post-earthquake make-shift tents, and are in great danger of being exposed to contaminated water. I knew cholera was a threat, and in general I do try to avoid situations where projectile vomiting and diarrhea are likely. My brain thinks Beyond Borders made the right decision.

But my heart feels so damn sad.
And confused.
And disappointed.

On Friday I spent most of the day carefully packing my suitcase, and on Saturday I unpacked it while trying to sort out my feelings.

I feel sad because in 2010 alone the Haitians have suffered an earthquake that killed 200,000 people, last week Hurricane Tomas wreaked havoc on parts of Haiti, and now there is a deadly cholera epidemic.

I feel disappointed because I’ve been gearing up physically, emotionally, and spiritually for this trip for months, and the rug quite suddenly got pulled out from under me.

I feel confused because the reason I want to travel to Haiti is out of obedience to a calling I feel upon me to go. So why can’t I get to Haiti? Is the whole point the willingness to go, and not the actual going?

I’ve no tidy answers for the end of this post-- just questions. But one thing I know is that the next 8 days that I would have been in Haiti are going to be particularly devoted to praying for and focusing on the Haitian people, reading and getting more educated, and listening for other ideas of what I can do to help them.

3 comments:

  1. So why can’t I get to Haiti? Is the whole point the willingness to go, and not the actual going?

    Absolutely not.

    A calling is a call to action and being, not just to intention. And no one says that once you are called, the path to get there is easy.

    When Catholic women are called to be nuns, it doesn't mean that maintaining a vow of poverty and celibacy is easy.

    When people are called to Buddhist practice, it doesn't mean that meditation is a picnic.

    When I was called to teach in poor communities, it didn't mean that I was offered a job as a teacher just 'coz I wanted it. I got rejected for three positions. Finally I volunteered at Burbank Middle School - in the Peer Resource Program, and was there when the position at Bal opened up.

    And just because I was drawn to that community of youth, doesn't mean that it was easy to work with them. You saw my successes. You also experienced my struggles.

    Following a calling is hard.

    It takes patience and persistence. Both of which you have in spades. Keep your willingness and your intention. Your opportunity will come.

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  2. Ed, you are absolutely right, and I love ya for telling it like it is. You are wonderful as always. How do you pack so much smart into so much sexy?

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  3. all i have to say is: this ain't over. this may be just the beginning of this interesting journey. looking forward to getting home and checking in with you!

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